I’ve been down this road a few times already and I’ve been “stuck” in “it” for the last few weeks.
But I’m not surprised. This happens all the time.
It is typical in my life that after significant events and decisions are made I will fall into a deep struggle with depression. And although I have a lot of ideas and somewhat reasonable explanations of why this happens I honestly can’t explain it completely (nor do I try to either).
I have begun calling this the “Creative’s conundrum.” I made that up but it works for me and apparently a lot of other creative people. We go up and down, up and down.
I’m in one of those right now and I’ll admit that it’s been a little more tough getting out of bed each morning and finding joy in the things. Functionally everything seems the same but inside things are stale and dark and I feel exhausted by the simplest of tasks.
And I hate it. Yet, I expect it. And, I know that it’s necessary.
Thankfully the last few seasons and battles have been minor ones – nothing like the one I had many years ago that resulted in an attempted suicide. I obviously wasn’t very good at that.
But here we are again. This isn’t a desperate cry for help or attention – those that are the closest around me are already aware and are walking with me with strength. I thought I’d just share a little publicly that I struggle with on occasion and admit, again, that I’m not perfect, that I’m a work-in-progress, and that I’ve got a lot to learn about trusting in the Lord.
It’s all His doing anyways, isn’t it? And I understand that this is part of my own personal way of processing information, dealing with my own demons, working through the tough times to see the greater opportunities that I have.