I had the pleasure of sitting down with a friend this morning who I happened to have hired into a role at another job – he’s still a young guy, finalizing his bachelor’s degree but sharp as nails and willing to work hard to make things happen.
One of the unique things about this young man is his unassuming level of honesty with what he can and cannot do – I’ve talked about this previously in more than a few posts but this morning’s meeting was a firm reminder of why I choose him to fill an incredibly significant role. Sure, he was functionally capable of performing the tasks required of him but it was his honesty about what he could not do that set him a part from the rest of the candidates.
Very few people have that level of emotional intelligence and right amount of humility to admit to someone that they may not know very well that they can’t do X or Y or Z.
What I’ve found, though, is that this has less to do with an outward presentation of honesty to others and more about honesty with self – that is, that they have come to terms with their natural limitations and are enjoying the freedom and peace that are a natural consequence of that reality.
This is the fine art of specialization and the science of being especially good at what you do – the quicker you can learn to do this the better.
And this makes sense, right? You want to be the best at what you do – or at least continue to improve your skills in a focused area. And for sure you want to work with people that are talented and that don’t waste their time in activities that are unproductive (outside hobbies and personal enjoyment activities).
The secret is to work with people that are honest about who they are, what they do, and how they can contribute to the overall success of the team and organization. You didn’t grow up hoping, dreaming, and wishing to be a generalist, a mediocre player in a sea of mediocrity – you dreamed about doing something wonderful, special, and unique.
Now’s your chance and it starts with you.
I had a blast this early morning at 5:30am with this gentleman – he reminded me how critical it is to be honest with oneself and others and he encouraged me to help coach others to do the same. Naturally, he was the genesis of this blog post. Kudos to you sir, kudos to you.
[Image via Creative Commons, joel.]
Being honest and upfront is found to be difficult by many people because they don’t want to appear less worthy, however I believe the most worthy is the one who accepts the things he cannot do, but works to improve himself.
I agree with you, Kevin. Sometimes our pride wants us to sound better than we really are. Instead of just being honest with where we are at in our skill set we tend to exaggerate where we wish we really are. I think people respect someone who is humble enough to identify where they are at and where they want to go.
Agreed agreed.
We can provide more value to the world by constantly refining and playing at genius-level in a few things, as opposed to being mediocre at a great many things.
I mean, can you imagine if Mozart were to branch out into theatre and Shakespeare were to dabble into classical music?
This is so true. Take the things you are really good at and work to become great at them before you move to another task or skill.
Mistakes are ladders of success, each time you make one you climb one. and one should be honest to admit the mistakes !!
That was deep. Thanks for sharing.
Interesting you should post this. I’ve just been learning the same thing. My new employer subscribes heavily to this philosophy, and they have incredibly high morale. It seems to work for them.
I’m planning to read this book on the topic: http://www.amazon.com/Discover-Your-Strengths-Marcus-Buckingham/dp/0743201140
love this! strengths finder can be very helpful for people – if you’re interested in team dynamics then check out http://myai.org/
Seems like honesty is not valued as much as it used to be. Just watch any sitcom, and you’ll see the approach so many people take to telling the truth. Seems like partial truth is more and more acceptable. Sometimes I feel like being blatantly honest is not what people want to hear, so we become good at being partially honest. I personally have adopted an 80/20 rule of saying only 80% of what I’m thinking because people can’t handle the whole truth. I’m not talking about deceiving others by holding back because I attempt to be completely forthcoming when asked. But, always offering 100% of the truth – especially when not asked – is not usually well received. You see the dilemma? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about being 100% truthful, and it’s a battle we have fought with our youngest son who still struggles wtih trusting others (a sign of this in kids from a broken past – he’s adopted – is lying). But what I’m saying is that we can also do a better job at the receiving end of the truth to show that the truth is what’s not only acceptable but preferred. I am just sorting this out in my head, so I hope I make sense. Would love input!
You bring up a great topic! However, I think there is a difference between what this post is about and your point.
I imagine you are talking about how to best deliver difficult information to people about either themselves or situations they are involved with. What the post is discussing is the willingness to be clear (honest if you prefer) about what you can and cannot do BEST. Not sharing negative info about yourself, mind you. (Though you should be aware of these things about yourself.) Just being aware enough of yourself to know the difference between what gaps you can fill in a team and what gaps you should fill in a team. Does that make sense?
On the subject of being able to be 100% honest, there is more here than could be put in a comment. But I think the heart of the issue may be the heart of the person. It would seem that there are at least three options:
- First, the person’s desire to deliver “complete honesty” is actually just a facade for a lack of grace. You don’t strike me as this kind of person at all, but many people cover up brutality with a veneer of “honesty.” Truth, as you know can be delivered with grace and be more effective in getting results than just blasting someone with brutal honesty.
- Second, we hesitate to tell the total truth not because the recipient can’t handle it but because we are more afraid of losing the relationship than we are of that person being empowered to move past whatever it is that’s holding them back.
- Finally, there is the person who has the right heart about what they’re doing. They know the point is to help and build up the person(s). Sometimes that means delivering tough messages, but not all the points that could be made are needed to make progress, so they leave out the 20% that is unnecessary.
Next time you find yourself in one of those situations where you feel it necessary to only give 80% of the truth ask yourself if you are doing that because you think the other 20% isn’t necessary to get results and would only hurt the person…or are you holding back because even though you feel it would honestly help them you would rather hold onto the relationship?
Hope that helps just a little. (Note, I left out at least 20%…)
Yes, you’re right, I did kind of get off topic or at least I was not clear in explaining my thinking. Let me explain my thought process a bit. Being honest with ourselves (who we are, our abilities, etc.) is definitely important, and it’s the key or the building block to honesty in all areas of life, in my opinion. But, being honest with ourselves becomes so difficult when we are in a society that struggles with honesty both on an individual level and a larger level. They are all connected. It’s so easy to deceive ourselves when we are surrounded by deceit. With regard to the 80/20 rule, I was not meaning that I am only 20% honest; I meant that I only speak up about 20% of the time and keep my mouth shut the rest of the time. Not that I am only partially honest. Just thought I would clarify. Also, I am sorting out my thoughts on the topic, which is much of the reason for my being unclear. I think this way
Thanks for sharing Kari.
This is something I believe we all wrestle with and its helpful to see someone discuss it in an open forum for us all to learn from too.
Like you said, society does at times dictate how people act in certain environments. And a lot of that is because people find their identity in how other perceive them or being approved by people. This is definitely slavery that brings no freedom and will always fail. I think you are right to point this out and we then have to ask ourselves what do you want your identity or what you want to be known for to be found in?
This is something I wrestle with as well since my tendency is to please people rather than be true to myself. But I think that’s a problem all of mankind has struggled with.
Thank you for confirmation on my thoughts. Seems harder and harder to know true honesty (in myself as well as in others) when we see it these days. Guess that’s why we need to stay tuned into The Truth so much.
Thanks for sharing, Noel. Your comment was helpful for a lot of us trying to digest this information.
Thanks, Ben! On the topic, you can see the post http://tentblogger.com/perception/. It’s not directly about the application you’re wrestling with, but it’s something that may help you think about it from a different angle.
Good luck!
Thanks, Noel. It is a very helpful post when thinking through it.
Wow, you have meetings at 5:30 in the morning!?
Are these the kind of meetings where you have your employee tied up in the dark basement with a spotlight in their face? (which of course I will tell you the truth, at least 80% of it)
Or are these the Waffle House kind of meetings?
You really do have a packed day if you are meeting that early.
I’ll take the 5:30 pm meeting at Starbucks, if you can pencil me in.
i try not to work at 5:30pm. that’s in my family’s “dead zone”
John, I am a little worried.
First, you are having meetings (maybe in your basement) at 5:30 in the morning.
Next, you are dressing up for “important” meetings.
And then, you have a family “dead zone”. (not sure what that means)
Are there any missing 8BIT personnel that we need to be looking for?
I will try not to make you mad in the future; I don’t like dark basements or “dead zones”.
Has anyone seen Tom McFarlin lately?
I thought this blog was very insightful. I liked how it mentioned how important it is to be honest with yourself on what you are good at and what you struggle with. It was also interesting when it mentioned that it is important to work with people who are also honest about “who they are, what they do, and how they contribute to the organization.” Great blog!
thanks lesley! do you have a blog?