We all have bad days... some more than others.
Let me be frank with you and let you know plainly that I’m just like you – perhaps more than you think.
I’m challenged by the ups and downs of blogging, the “dry” spells of creativity and then, with a lot of luck, a few moments of brief genius and clarity.
I don’t have it all figured out and I certainly don’t wake up kicking serious booty every single day of every single week of every single year – in fact, there have been years where my level of so-called creativity was ridiculously-low.
The thing is that most of you never knew me then! You just know of me in the now and I oftentimes wish I could adequately share with all of you my complete journey of how I stumbled my way into blogging as a profession and how I luckily turned it into some frankenstein-ish career!
I never had it all figured out and I was never completely sure of how it was all going to play out. All this to say my blogging experience and journey was relatively unremarkable and very much “normal” – in other words, very human.
If I can be even more frank I’d like to share with this community that I suffer from bouts of depression. During my college years I suffered severe clinical depression, even attempted suicide (obviously wasn’t very good at that since I failed, thank God!), and had to be hospitalized and take some time off from school.
I haven’t completely overcome depression and from what I’ve been told, researched, and experienced, I will never really overcome it ever – I can minimize it through a healthy lifestyle and through amazing, challenging, and positive relationships.
But there are days where I wake up and I just sit on the side of my bed and think, “Yup. Today is one of those days…” and no matter what I do I simply can’t shake out of it (I know, I’ve tried everything).
I even recently went through another “down time” (is what I call it) this past weekend where I couldn’t get any motivation or desire to write – yup, I could not even write a single thing. I couldn’t stand looking at my laptop – in fact, I couldn’t even bring myself to type anything at all really!
The point of sharing all of this? It’s to tell you emphatically that I’m just like you, warts and all. I struggle with normal everyday challenges and frustrations just like you. I even have clinical issues, just like you. I have a number of life-long and extremely debilitating medical conditions, perhaps just like you.
I’m human first, a blogger second. And if I can be half-decent at the former than I surely can be ok at the latter. And so can you.
We’re here for each other (and that’s why I’m loving the Community Forums even more – we talk about “human” stuff, not just blog stuff) and we’re going to make it! Just taking it one day at a time.
Truth man. Thanks for this post
sure thing marcus. appreciate you.
Wow. Thanks for your openness John. We have much more in common than I would have thought.
Keep on keepin’ on my friend.
thanks michael! you know… it’s not tough to be open… i’m pretty comfortable in my own skin. … i think.
Your story made me think of this…
”It’s true we impress people with our supposed perfections, but we connect with each other in our flaws. I’d rather be connected than perfect.” – Donald Miller
Thank you for connecting.
brenda,
thanks for that quote. i love that. pondering this today.
Dang wish we could edit comments…I wanted to add that depression is one of the topics I’m working on in draft in my recovery series…
ah. is that a category?
I haven’t decided yet if it will be a separate category or not. Research has shown that depression and addiction very often go hand in hand, creating a terribly vicious and far too often, deadly cycle. From that aspect it goes with the recovery series, however I can see where it could deserve a category of it’s own. I suppose there is nothing wrong with a bit of category cross posting
I really need to back myself into a corner and get focused on completing this stack of partially written posts I have…
Love your transparency. Really love the pic! I’m a sucker for super-hero stuff.
i love spiderman. seriously.
I appreciate this. I have this complex of I have to be perfect before I can share anything. Thank you for giving me permission to be human. It’s exactly what I needed to hear.
sure thing kelly! thanks for your support!
When you have those kinds of days or weekends remember all of us who you have helped. At the very least I hope it will make you smile.
dennis,
i love this. thanks for that. blogging for you guys has been very rewarding. wow, what a powerful reminder!
Hi John. I have been experiencing the same things recently. I don’t think we every overcome depression, but with the grace of God we learn to live with it.
i agree. it’s tough. it’s on or off. but there are things that do not change… as you know!
Hi John,
Thanks for sharing this, I know how it feels! I often think the label ‘creative’ is quite misleading as though some people are ‘creative types’ and have endless streams of great ideas exuding from their pores. The truth is that it is hard work for everyone and those who become excellent have taken whatever talent they have and work real hard with it. Sometimes the stream dries up, but for some reason those valleys are still important parts of our lives (despite being unpleasant!).
mike,
you’re darn right… i think the valleys are just as important (if not more so). it’s from there we can have a better perspective of what our achievements and potential really is.
John,
That took courage…. a lot of courage. Being transparent about something so personal….. I can only imagine how hard it may have been to hit that publish button.
What is amazing about what you just did is that you created great potential for support to always rally around you. I know first hand what isolation during times of depression does to a man.
My brother suffers from depression regularly and a college housemate of mine committed suicide while we were in our 3rd year of college together because of it. That happened 6 years ago and I still have a hard time even thinking about it.
But what you just did was give people hope that they are not alone, that the best of us are really just human like everyone else.
It’s posts like this that make me proud to be part of the Tentblogger community and a supporter of John Saddington.
Have a great day bro.
dude, you rock. i appreciate you and your continued support everywhere. wow. humbled!
It’s easy to follow a good leader John.
I too was experiencing the same ordeal. I think depression sets in when we have worry too much of things that we don’t have a control of. I counter my depression with a quick meditation and a simple prayer to overcome it.
glad this works for you! for me it sometimes yields nothing in return.. but that’s never the point, right?
Thanks for the post brother!
You’ve sure got my respect for posting this. We’re all human, and we’re all subject to the ups and downs of life. I’m always admirable of people who can put aside the facades and just be real about it.
erin,
thanks. sometimes, to be honest, i feel a bit pressured to share why I sometimes just “disappear”… and so i’m working through my insecurities just like the next person…!
thanks for walking with me on this one!
Love! Thanks John.
Wow… I agree with everyone else. Thanks so much for sharing that part of yourself with us John. It is really hard to put yourself out there in a public forum like this, and I think that has been part of my personal blogging struggle lately. I just wrote a really controversial post that will come out on Friday, and it scares me to think that it will scare people away from reading my blog. But I think there are risks that we need to take if we really believe in something.
i’m reading this post now…..
Again, thanks for sharing. You seem really upbeat so it’s surprising (but shouldn’t be) that you have struggles, just like the rest of us.
Personally, I have days when I question everything I’m doing, and my ability to succeed at anything. What an awful feeling! Fortunately those moments don’t last long. But they return occasionally.
I’m thinking you’ll find a lot of support in this community you’ve built.
i am melanie, and thanks so much for yours!
John, I really appreciate you and and am glad that you are sososo authentic… enough to write this. Please know that you are loved by so many, including me! Keep Being Great Brother!!
thanks so much chris! i appreciate it a lot!
Thanks so much for sharing. Great post and very true.
I’m glad you are still here!
John, great post. We’re not machines, and that’s good. God made us uniquely, with strengths and frailties. It takes courage to admit our weaknesses, and even embrace them.
I am enjoying your blogs…keep them coming.
sure thing tim! i will!
I agree with your statements. It is good to know that other people have health problems too and they don’t feel like doing anything on the computer. I have Post Tramic Disorder, Aniexty Disorder,diabetic and other illnesses to long to list here.
I appreciate you being honest in your post. And when I do read your post I am helped very much. So keep on going even when times seem hard for you are reaching at least one person with your posting.
bonnie,
love that you’re willing to share as well! i’m not sure anyone is truly and perfectly “normal” (what is that anyways…).
John, you’re certainly not alone. I don’t know where you’re located, but even from very safe distance from the hurricane, it was just a very sad weekend all around as we all waited and watched to see how bad it might be. Thanks for your honesty in this post.
sure thing! and thanks for your support on some of the other blogs recently!
Dear John,
I echo the thanks of many others for your charismatic humbleness and transparency. After a lifetime of dealing/struggling with the same issue, I am reluctantly coming to accept that this condition may, indeed, be a part of the rest of my life, apart from a miracle. (Could happen, but I ain’t telling God his business).
What makes your post so timely and profound for me today is that I have allowed depression and self-doubt to keep me from starting my own blog – one I’ve felt called to for the better part of this year. Hearing that you have been able to do everything you’ve done in this space and with this community while shouldering the exact same kind of burden is – well, it gives me pause, among other things. And hope. And conviction.
I know I need to do this, and hearing that depression hasn’t stopped someone else was the message I needed today. Peace, grace and blessing to you, brother.
Kerri
haha! i tell god his business all the time and get slapped into reality quick!
kerri… rock that blog! go go go!
John,
It is nice for you to be so real. I feel you, I have been where you are. I actually blog quite a bit about my battle with depression and a breakdown caused by stress and overload that I suffered last year. Sharing has been difficult, but people, my readers, appreciate it because it gives them the opportunity to be real as well, and to know they are not alone.
Great post!
Bernice
What is Living a Balanced Life?
bernice,
wow. glad to know that you’re in the same boat! thanks for sharing that!
Thanks for being so honest. Sometimes bloggers can appear to have it all together, when we really don’t! There are so many days when I wake up and think, “I do NOT want to write today.” Sometimes I give in, other times I force myself to get going. The blogging world is definitely not always sunshine and rainbows!
“The blogging world is definitely not always sunshine and rainbows!”
Now that’s the truth!
Thanks for the transparency. It’s easy to compare our beginnings to other people’s success in life. When I look at your blog I assume you have everything figured out and elaborately planned like some science fiction novel!
omg. i struggle with that as well! i compare my beginnings with someone else’s end…!
Much props for your transparency John. The American culture (might be human culture) seems to put people up on pedestals, which makes them seem untouchable. You, my friend, break that mold… Thanks for being real. You add huge value by being you!
justin,
i appreciate this comment and i’m going to try my best to keep myself grounded. keep me accountable!
This being the internet and all, its hard to remember that theres a real human on the other side. It can be mentally draining for myself from time to time. In fact today is one of those nights where I am just not feeling my best. We live and learn I guess, and we do get stronger in the long run through all our lessons.
-Jean
jean,
for sure. everyday is a testament that we go through yesterday. alive.
Man, great stuff. Placing people like Chris next to you in a lot of these adventures really has to be a huge help.
You’re amazing and doing amazing things. It all seems to come so naturally from you (not for you, I know you kick your butt for every ounce) And therefor it is hard to imagine you struggling with much. I guess that is what makes it so easy to overlook the regular human side.
my team has been vitally important… for sure. without them i’d be even more sunk.
thanks for sharing!
you need a gravatar: http://tentblogger.com/gravatar/
Thank you for giving us this glimpse and I appreciate the lessons shared.
I know for me I feel an obligation to share both the highs & the lows as I try leverage life’s lessons, especially the times I fall short. Which is especially true with regard to when my content drifts into my cancer journey, where doubt and uncertainty share the stage with trust and faith. For me the biggest disservice I could present to a reader is not sharing the whole picture and they leave the blog thinking they fall short compared to me.
An example of this was when I did a series called my Cancer Confessionals where everything was exposed, anger, frustration, doubts, fear, and circumstantial faith.
John thanks keeping it real and leading well!
sure thing tom!
more and more people in my life are being diagnosed with cancer it seems… every single year. the reality that it could happen to anyone (my wife, myself… my kids) has never been more clear.
My concern with what you’re writing here is that you’re saying that you will never overcome depression in full. We stake our entire lives in the belief that Christ died for us, to set us free to live as overcomers, yet we buy into lies that limit our walking in the fullness of this freedom.
I woke up one day last year with ringing in my ears and significant hearing loss – and this is while I was working on my first studio album in seven years as a recording artist. Since then, I have daily stood on the reality presented in Isaiah 53:5 – “…by His stripes I am healed.”
Now, I have yet to receive that healing in its full manifestation, but I cannot deny what is written in God’s word, and I can’t deny that I’ve seen and heard of more miraculous healings than of freak occurrences like what happened to me.
So, I have come to learn that simply standing on His promises is producing something in me – a brokenness, a lifestyle and culture of waiting on Him, and not just for me, but for my entire household.
I can’t deny your suffering, man, and I also struggle with depression. But in the case of depression, ever since I read the book “The Supernatural Ways of Royalty” by Chris Valloton back in 2008, I have struggled with depression from a place of victory, not defeat, which sounds a lot like the case with you.
I see God as the Healer, but if He wants to use someone’s book to reach and heal me, than so be it. That book was sitting on my shelf for a year until I finally picked it up – and it helped immensely, so naturally, I recommend it.
But finally, and in closing, I remind you that you seem to have a healthy perspective and you sound pretty victorious in what you’re saying, but would add that it is yours to deal with depression from a place of victory, not from defeat. Your medical condition may be found wanting, but it’s important to remember that it is wholly subject – enslaved – to your spiritual condition – a far superior condition, that is entirely victorious by Christ’s blood.
thanks for this adam.
you’re right. i don’t see it as a complete and utter burden but something that has made me… well, me. unique in every sense, imperfect but being made perfect.
appreciate the thoughts and i will look into that book.