My 5-year old (nearly 6… wow!) has learned recently the idea that boredom exists – or rather, that nothing fun exists at times and we call this boredom.
Or as she says it,
Appa I’m boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooored.
I honestly have no idea who taught her this concept or where she learned that word because it’s not something that we use in our house, ever.
I can’t even remember the last time I even said that word aloud much less saying it as if it were actually true. I do remember when I was young that would say it often, especially when I didn’t get my way, but that went away real quick.
But an interesting shift has occurred over the years as I’ve grown and become more engaged in a variety of different activities and interests. I am not bored nor lonely – in fact, I say this explicitly to people at times, especially if they are asking me if I need more “work” or if I need more things to add to my plate.
These people who ask typically don’t know me very well and don’t know all that I’m involved in so it’s not entirely their fault (in fact, not their fault at all), but I say it playfully and thankfully that I can stay very, very busy.
When I was my daughter’s age though the idea of “loneliness” would never even have crossed my mind. Boredom, for sure, but loneliness wasn’t even a concept that I even entertained.
The shift is where no I no longer even have the concept of boredom but loneliness is a reality that I face daily. Despite the fact that I just said that I do not experience loneliness is only partly true. I’m certainly not “functionally” alone as I do everything in the context of my teams and I spend less and less time by myself doing whatever I want to do.
But do I feel and experience loneliness at times? Absolutely. It’s partly my role, partly the way that I’m built, and partly the life I’ve decided to entertain at this point. And there’s much good that can happen in loneliness, by the way, as it can be productive (unlike boredom).
In times of loneliness I’m allowed to think independently and even think creatively. I’m given space to breathe and even relax. I’m about to resuscitate a number of ideas or activities. I can even recuperate to a certain degree. Loneliness isn’t necessarily negative – it can actually be extremely positive and healthy.
I might add that it’s also a time where I can focus on the spiritual side of my existence. To be honest, it’s oftentimes where I actually can remember that I am a spiritual being and that I have a spiritual life. Meditation and prayer typically come easy in these moments. It’s easiest when the loneliness starts creeping into the negative side of things.
Most of us would say with confidence that we’re neither lonely nor bored but we all experience it at times. I wonder what everyone else does to engage these moments and what you’ve learned through them.
[Image via Creative Commons, alyaya]
I think we have to be lonely at times. It can feel like a negative, but I think it is orchestrated by the One who has our best interests at heart. Times of solitude, whether we’re looking for it or not, enable us to be more “present” when we are with others. We’re able to hear more clearly, pray more effectively, and create. I think it’s unavoidable – so, we should welcome it and steward it for everything that it’s worth.
Appreciate the reflection!
I think there is a big difference between being lonely, and being alone. Being alone can be valuable and useful in an emotional and spiritual context. Being lonely, however, sounds to me like desiring human companionship and not being able to have it for some reason (real or imagined).
Being bored, on the other hand, suggests a lack of purpose and intentionality. I too feel the feelings of boredom occasionally, but I take those as a warning signal that something in my thinking needs to change.
Thanks for doing what you do!
I have to say…I LOVE YOUR BLOG!! I read almost every single posts…and it’s not easy..since I just started!!! Imagine:P
There is so many diversity in your site and I built my blog based on what you wrote. IT’s brilliant!!!
regarding this post..yea, I agreed people might fell lonely from time to time, esp you are not home or traveling somewhere:)…but it’s a good feeling…cus it make you rethink your life and cherish you life!! everytime I felt lonely , I think of my parent, they are the best because they gave me everything!! I love them so much
YOu daughter is so cute….and I bet they won’t feel lonely all the time because of you:))
Cheers. Like your thinking:)
What a great post, John, you really set an example of how bloggers should communicate with their audiences. This post took me back to my own childhood and how I had few close friends and even less toys but wasn’t bored for a minute. Loney, yeah. But loneliness that inspired and stoked the fires of creativity thoughout my life… imagine when you have no toys, then even a little stick you find in the garden can be a toy, hey?
Fast forward four decades and my little 2 and a half year old boy fidgets when he’s bored. In a world where phones play YouTube videos and TVs play the radio stations and let you surf online and you get the drift.
Also very much liked the comment about your spiritual side, something that a lot of folk don’t admit to publicly because of being branded in certain ways. Just goes to show that you can be spiritual and be strong in your faith and also be a kickass businessman and entertainer. Kudos, bro. Keep up the great posts and I’ll be back for my next fix. Dee.
I crave “loneliness.” It is being alone that creates the margin in my life. (Little bit o’ Andy Stanley terminology fo’ ya.) Even as an extrovert, it is vastly important for me to be away from people so I have the foundation I need to continue both being me and learning who I am so when I interact with others I do it authentically.
And boredom? It’s my honest opinion that boredom only happens to those who haven’t learned to use their minds. (Like kids who don’t have any perspective, knowledge and experience to have developed this skill.) If you have learned to use your mind, then two things go on when you are in a period of time without “something to do.”
1. You’ve worked so intensely on the things you have engaged your mind in that the rest comes as much needed rest. (Which is often where the breakthrough’s occur!)
2. You are never without something to do because even if you don’t have something to do with your body your mind is still curious and seeking. You can go deep with ideas, thoughts, problems, life issues, relationships, great questions, books, etc. The list of things to apply your mind to is endless.
Done this way when you do get back to “doing stuff” you have an arsenal of well-thought ideas/solutions/plans to begin using to do that stuff better. Of course, you learn that in action most of your thoughts are found to have major faults. So you iterate, try again and then use the next “bored” time to use that experience to go even deeper and broader. It’s a really great cycle, actually.