This feels about right…
Goal setting is so powerful. It really does separate those that wish and hope for success and things to happen and those that actually see it realized.
Over a year ago some of my mentors challenged me (again) to spend time public speaking and working on my communication skills. I acquiesced and made it part of my yearly goals. These had to be, according to them, not just meetups which I do often and am very comfortable at doing, but on stage in front of many more people with a prepared talk.
They were attempting to teach me a few things about preparation, pacing, and even breathing that would help me become a better and more effective communicator everywhere I went, not just in front of live and large audiences.
Well, it worked. Last week I had an incredible time at the Savvy Blogging Summit and tomorrow I fly out to keynote at the Influence Conference. Yes, goal setting works. Trust me on this. Not only have I become (slightly) better at public speaking but it’s impacted my writing and even my business skills in very large ways.
But one of the things that I can’t seem to get over is the fact that I’m still terribly nervous about it every single time. I’m not sure if this ever goes away and there are those that tell me that “it’s a good thing” but I always want to say:
Being nervous might be a good thing but I hate it… and I’m not sure it’s entirely necessary.
But I typically nod my head and sip some more of the drink I’m babysitting. I’ve tried most if not all of what people have recommended and nothing seems to help.
Are there things in your life that you consistently do that still make you nervous every time you do it? How do you cope, how to you manage it, and how do you leverage for your “performance,” whatever that is?
Is it really a good thing or is it just a necessary evil?
I always end up enjoying the talk and I’m always glad that I did it but the feeling of vomit in my mouth isn’t attractive and isn’t entirely welcome.
I have just started speaking publicly. Nervous? Damn yes. But one thing I noticed, it is usally only at the start.Once I take off, I forget it and just enjoy the whole thing.
I was just about to say this. I focus on the first five minutes—if I can get myself going, the only thing I have to worry about is sticking to the time limit.
Other than that, I’ve been working on tailoring presentations to the way I am, personally, and dressing in a way that makes me feel comfortable. Those familiar touches tend to help me stay focused.
I get nervous every time I have to either be on camera or speak to a crowd. I just use it as part of the process now. I have a deep fear of needles too. Once I had to go through a procedure where they needed to stick giant needles in my spine (yeah). They also had to have me awake and alert. The usual for me is John sees needle and slowly slumps into a faint. Honestly. It is a thing Scarlet and I have. For me it is not Rhett Butler though it is needles.
A doctor was assigned to me in the goal of overcoming my deep fear in order to help me not pass out while the stabbed me. He explained that as soon as my adrenal gland kicked in and filled my system with super juice I would be just fine and I could face a myriad of horrible things.
It worked. He showed me a surgery room right after a procedure. Blood was all over instruments. As he asked me to imagine all those things happening to me I began to feel dizzy. He had me breath into a paper bag until I felt better. What happened is the panic passed and I felt really brave. It all worked.
I do the same thing with public speaking (minus the bag and needles). I freak myself out with all the possible things that could go wrong and then let the adrenaline do its work. Then I go on stage. Go with it man. If you don’t get nervous I will begin to worry that you are not pushing yourself.
I have heard a lot of communicators say they always are nervous before speaking. Rhett Smith in his book Anxious Christian turns the idea of anxiety from something to avoid to something that we should embrace. He says God created anxiety to help us know that things are important. And while there can be inappropriate types (and levels) of anxiety, anxiety is not in itself a bad thing.
Adam, I am just finishing Rhett’s book. Great read!
I agree. A very different, but useful way to look at anxiety.
Yes its true to be nervous before speaking. 50% people feels same Mine to. thanks for sharing.
There is a competitive nervousness that is good that I always got in the pit of my stomach on the first tee of every golf tournament.
The same thing happened when preaching at first.
But for me it has gone away. I think for me in preaching, now more and more, knowing God is working, calms me and makes me confident.
The key to me is asking this question, “am I nervous because its a big moment and I want to do well (responsible) or am I just worried about what people will think of me (pride)?
Public speaking is so exposing because we put so much of ourselves out there. It really does bring up junk in our identity and shows sometimes how we are hoping for affirmation from the talk. That’s dangerous! It’s not the point of being a speaker.
The more I can center my self on the fact that who I am is good enough and loved by God perfectly before I speak, the more I can preach without the need to perform or gain acceptance.
I spend quite a bit of time on stage. I perform in plays at musicals at our local community theatres in the area. I’ve been in several plays and I still get nervous before I go on. I tend to find that the nerves are a good thing. They give me an energy I wouldn’t have if they weren’t there.
I use that energy to help enhance whatever performance I’m giving on stage, and while I personally haven’t publicly spoken as you have, I think the same idea would translate well into that area. Having a nervous energy can help your talk from slowing down and making it so you don’t lose your audience.
I think it’s one of those things where you can use that nervous energy to your advantage.
Adam/John — thanks for the kind words.
Jon, I love this post. Last year I had a friend/business coach ask me which area of my practice/life I wanted to increase and get better at. I said I wanted to have more speaking engagements in 2012. This has been by far my busiest year speaking.
But with that comes lots of anxiety and that feeling you describe of being nervous and wanting to vomit. It reminds me of running track in high school…that feeling right before the race…especially when you line up in the blocks. But then once the gun goes off and you are running…all that anxiety and nervousness comes out in the performance in a good way.
I’m still always anxious when I talk, but I’ve learned some good techniques along the way, and I’ve been able to reframe the anxiety in some helpful ways for me. I keep thinking of Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 hour theory on practice and success. If that is true, well, I’ve probably spoken around 600 times in the last 17 years….plus all the prep hours and practice….which still puts me way below the 10,000 I think. All that to say, I hope with more and more practice I become more and more comfortable and better at speaking. But I hope that the anxiousness never leaves me. I feel that’s an important component to speaking.
Good post Jon.
rhett
John – I heard you at the Influence Conference and really enjoyed soaking up your wisdom and experiences. Thanks for daring greatly, fighting fear and showing up that weekend. You moved and motivated!
thanks so much lindsay!
John S. , Have you read Flinch by Julien Smith? He covers a lot of this in it. Great read.
I can’t speak in front of many people.I got a phobia and a bit shy everytime i speak to someone new.I am getting nervous specially when i have to talk to elite person.I guess i need to be more optimistic.
Thanks,
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