When was the last time you were able to escape for a time and ask yourself the really tough questions? When was the last time you found a break in your busy schedule to ponder the infinite? When was the last time you were able to fully appreciate all that has happened up until that very moment?
Last night I had that moment. As I sat on my porch as the sun gave it’s last light to the darkening world I breathed deeply and reflected on what has happened over the course of just the last 6 months.
It was almost too much to consider; too much to even believe. I think the right word for the moment was “awe.”
I have been running hard for a long, long time. More like a sprint on a marathon trail with no breaks and no water. Even this moment, although spontaneous, felt a bit contrived as if my body, mind, and spirit demanded that I sit for a moment and do absolutely nothing.
And it felt great. I watched the sun’s light disappear into a cool evening glow and I began asking the myself the questions that had been long overdue. I asked myself to consider where I was going, what I was doing, and why. I asked myself if what had happened in the first part of this year was everything I had wanted it to be or whether it was a whisper of what I had hoped would transpire.
I asked myself if I was being successful, experiencing satisfaction, and creating significance in my life and others. I answered honestly – too honestly perhaps, and I didn’t like the answers.
But I’m not sure if I ever have.
After I had reflected enough I cleared my mind and prayed. I wondered, as I have many, many times, if He was listening and He truly understood my concerns, my fears, my anxieties, as well as my hopes and dreams.
No reply. Typical. At least the guy is consistent (among many other things).
I knew what I needed to do next – I cleared out the rest of my container, watched the tobie exhaust itself, and walked inside to ask my bride the same questions I had just asked myself. She would know how to answer rightly; she always has.
Smiling, I walked inside and met a kindred smile in return. It was an incredibly pleasant evening; it was just quiet enough.
John, that was one of the most beautifully written posts I’ve seen on tentblogger, it was almost poetic. Thanks for all you do, and I too have had that moment. It was Thursday. I stayed in my office once everyone else had left and just took a breather. Wrestled with some tough questions and made a few mental notes on items that require action. With a house full, sometimes that quietude comes all too infrequently – unless I’m really, really intentional about creating it.
Things in my life haven’t been going the direction I’d like them to go either, but I’ve been adjusting my mindset and my actions and I know things will eventually play out as I want them to. It’s often us guys who always want something more (something extraordinary) from life that feel that we haven’t done enough, but I guess that’s a good thing because growing is great. Awesome post, John!
Good point John. If we would be as much time considering where we are going and why as much as we put into our two week vacation we would be amazed. You have to be intentional about your life, and ask God daily am I doing what you want. Good post.
Thanks for this John. I find I have to force myself to STOP and take a breath, and allow God to minister to me. I have come to rely on these quiet times where he shows me how to war from rest. This attitude allows me to keep moving forward.
John, am so glad to find your blog. I couldn’t agree more with this post. We all too often run so hard and so fast that we forget where we’re going!
I hope your wife gave you the answers you sought! Seriously, though. I know that feeling. You wonder if He’s there. If He’s listening. If He even cares about my hopes and dreams or if He’s only concerned about the overall universe and my individual needs just don’t hit the radar.
I won’t try to answer that tension for you. I’ve come to believe that answering that tension for yourself is one of the major ways you real depth in your faith. What I will say is that from knowing you the bit that I do I really excited about the path you’re on. It may feel like slow going at times, but you are moving in the right direction. Stay on the path. Don’t be afraid to be weak. And as I know you will, just be you.